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12/02/2019 · Leave a Comment

4 Ways to Be the Village for Foster & Adoptive Families

Faith· Foster Care

Foster and adoptive parents need you. It’s no secret that foster and adoptive parents are often called to do hard things. They enter into hard stories and hard places to do hard things, but they can’t do it alone. They need a village to come alongside them. They need you.

About a year and a half ago, I found myself burdened for some foster and adoptive families in my circle. These families had been called to do hard things, and many days, they faced overwhelming circumstances. This particular night, I found myself full of ideas on how to serve these families and encourage them. There was only one problem: I lived in Guatemala and they lived in the United States. Sure, there were ways that I could encourage them from afar, but it was impossible to “be the village” for someone on another continent. Instead, I prayed for God to send someone else, not realizing that God was instead going to send me. I didn’t know if yet, but the baby boy growing in my belly would have health needs that would result in our family moving back to the States. God had planted the vision to help these families months before He would call me to act.

Almost a year passed before God reminded me of that night and the needs of those families. Our family was trying to redefine normal and find our place in ministry back in our home state. Around this same time, our state’s foster care system reached its record high for children and teens in care. This led our governor to plead with Christ-followers to find their place and serve vulnerable children. With a newborn baby, we were not in the position to bring foster children into our home at the time, but we knew we had to do something to support the families that could. It was clear that God was calling us to be the village for those on the frontlines.

When I look at scripture, God’s heart for the vulnerable is clear. In James 1:27 believers are told that to draw near to the broken is “pure and undefiled” (ESV), and it is exactly what Jesus did for us. We were broken in our sin, and instead of pushing us away, He came near and lived among us. He entered into our problems, taking the price for them upon Himself. If we want to be like Christ then we too should step into the brokenness of those on the frontlines of foster care and adoption.

Not everyone can foster, and not all are called to adoption, but there is a place for everyone to do something for children and teens from hard places. Every family that has answered the call to foster or adopt needs help. Even more so than we need a village to raise our own children, they need a village as they daily face the realities of trauma and often navigate frustrating governmental systems. How can you be the village for these families?

  1. Offer Your Resources

    Children require a lot. They need beds to sleep in, clothes to wear, food to eat, supplies for school, toys to play with, and so much more. Many times, when foster parents take emergency placements or adoptive families get an unexpected phone call they do not have the resources they need to take the child at that time. This need is amplified even more when they agree to meet the huge task of taking a sibling set. Foster parents often spend the first-week attending meetings and doctors appointments, picking lice nits out of hair, and trying to bond with a child that has just gone through the worst day of his or her life. This leaves little time for WalMart runs, and even less time to cook meals.

    There are so many ways you can step in the gap with your resources. Bring dinner, or start a Meal Train and get their first week of meals covered. Find out the child’s clothing size and run to the store to pick up some basics. Donate your crib and baby gear to a friend that is taking a foster placement when you no longer need it. You can also find non-profits that support foster and adoptive families and become a monthly donor.

  2. Offer Your Friendship and Prayers

    Our ministry had foster and adoptive parents take a survey last year. The top need of foster families was unanimous. Every single parent said they needed connection. Many of them discussed how lonely their journey had been. Your foster and adoptive friends need you to stick around. Just as friendships change when couples have babies, friendships often get more challenging when families take on the task of fostering or adopting. The life of a foster or adoptive parent is typically full of visitations and therapy, making schedules tight. Not only that, but the children that come into their homes often have extreme behaviors because of the way that trauma has altered their brains. All of these reasons tend to result in fewer invitations with the friends they were once close with. While it may be harder to stay close with friends that foster or adopt, they need you now more than ever. Sticking with them as a friend is one of the greatest ministries that you can offer.

    One of the best things you can do to stand in the gap for your foster and adoptive friends is making the habit of picking up the phone each week and calling to ask how you can pray. There are so many things on a foster or adoptive parent’s heart: the court cases, their relationship with the biological parents, behaviors, needs at school, and so much more. A willingness to listen and then pray on their behalf will mean more than you know. Also, I beg you to continue inviting and including them. So many foster and adoptive parents report being left out because of the needs of their children. Please continue to be a friend. They need a village.

  3. Offer Your Time

    Time is a luxury to foster and adoptive families. Schedules are usually full of therapy appointments, court dates, and visits with biological parents. Add in a large family which is often common for foster and adoptive families, and you have mountains of laundry, large meals to cook, and the corresponding large piles of dishes to wash after. As a result of all of the demands on their time, many foster and adoptive families rarely take time for themselves.One of the greatest gifts you can give to a foster or adoptive family is your time. Offer to watch their children once a month so that they can go on a date night. Run their big kids to practice (especially if you have a child on the same team). Even just showing up to birthday parties and the child’s games will be so encouraging.

  4. Offer Your Talents

    Everyone has a talent that they can use to be the village for the foster and adoptive families in their lives. Are you a photographer? Offer free photo sessions to foster families so that they can have pictures to scrapbook for the children to have if they reunify. Do you own a farm? Offer to host a family fun day for foster and adoptive families on your farm. Do you quilt? You could sew quilts for children entering foster care. What gifts do you have? We all have gifts and talents that we can use to serve the foster and adoptive community.

Not everyone is called to foster or adopt, but we all can do something. Will you be the village for the foster and adoptive families in your circle? You may be the encouragement that a family has been praying for. Will you step into the brokenness just like Jesus stepped into your brokenness?

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Instagram post 2187344827705159249_9385679 So much to be thankful for and these three are at the top of the list 💙. #raisingtherobertstribe
Instagram post 2186444557520828500_9385679 I truly believe that as moms our greatest ministry is our ministry to the children that God has entrusted to us. After all, our children really are just on loan from God and ours to steward and love for as long as God allows us.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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That said, our children are not an excuse to keep from saying yes to God.  It is so easy to use our kids as an excuse. Don’t feel like going to a party? Sorry, that is past the toddler’s bedtime. Using our kids as an excuse can be convenient, and often totally valid. However, that doesn’t work with God. He knows our capacity in the season that He has placed us in, and His calling is within our ability as moms. There is no hiding behind our children with Him. He knows every detail about where we are in raising children, and He calls us accordingly.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Im challenging mamas to keep saying yes in the trenches of motherhood on the blog today, and I would love for you to check it out!
Instagram post 2185685316531501125_9385679 In this week that we focus on gratitude, I am thankful for this man. I’m obviously thankful for the big things like the way he leads our family closer to Jesus and is my best friend. However I’m choosing to focus on this little things that I often don’t appreciate as much.
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I am grateful that he always goes to the bank for us because I hate it and it’s no big deal for him since he used to work there. I am thankful for the fact that he is the puke cleaner in our house because my trying to usually leads to me almost vomiting on our sick child (and has led to actual puking in the past). I am grateful that he always gets up first on Sunday mornings to shower without complaint even though he gets up earliest all week long.
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There are som many things I could be thankful for when it comes to this man, but today I am choosing to focus on the little things that often go unappreciated. What is something little that your spouse does that you can appreciate today?

Also, didn’t @photographybykellyburton kill it on this photo?
Instagram post 2185130383117836859_9385679 Our home is now officially open for foster care. My mind is full of thoughts about what age our first placement will be, and how our boys will adjust. When I turn my mind to birth parents, I often think what I would want to tell them when given the chance. Of all the things I could say, this would be the most important:
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“Above all of the reassurances that we will care well for your child, there is something more important that I want you to know. You are loved. Even on your worst day, you are so very loved. The God of this universe gave His Son as an act of love for you. He loves you and has an incredible plan for you. At the feet of Jesus, you won’t find condemnation or judgment. Instead, you will find love and grace. We seek to offer that same love and grace to you as we begin this journey together. In Jesus, there is healing and restoration, and we pray that you will look to Him for help in this hard season.”
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Want to read the whole letter? You can find it at the link in profile.
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Instagram post 2173564016937804939_9385679 "Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It's easier to pretend they aren't real until you hold them in your arms. But once you do everything changes." -David Platt.

As we approach Orphan Sunday tomorrow, I think of him. I wonder where he is at, and if he knows Jesus. He reunified with his mom when he was four years old, and is nearly a teenager now. I pray that he knows Jesus and that he wouldn't fall into the alcoholism and other hardships that plague many men in Guatemala. I pray that he would be a man of God and one day be a man that loves his family well.

This kid changed it for me. Everything we do, every time we say yes, I think of him. He is my why. Sweet Marcos, you have changed the world and you don't even know it.

#orphansunday #keepsayingyes #guatemala #fostercare #getattached #thisisfostercare #hopewriters #hisgracegirls #standsunday #orphansunday2019
Instagram post 2167156108561813777_9385679 Happy Halloween from the Roberts Tribe.

#raisingtherobertstribe
Instagram post 2166784003223263667_9385679 🧙‍♀️Double Double Toil & Trouble Fire Burn & Cauldron Bubble🧙‍♂️⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Happy Halloween from the Roberts Tribe. We squeezed one last fall sensory play in yesterday. I found the cutest mini cauldrons and pumpkin buckets, but you could totally do this with a full sized one. I filled the containers with baking soda, added some food due to vinegar and they play and played. Gideon was amazed at this bubbles which was so fun. It’s totally worth putting your candy bucket to use before filling it with candy tonight!
Instagram post 2166259042985762924_9385679 We are days away from our home being open to foster care, and one of our final assignments was to write a letter to our future foster love. Here is a glimpse of it, and you can read the whole letter on the blog.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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“You are so loved little one. We love you and have been praying for you. We are so excited to teach you about a love far greater than ours or any earthly love: the love of Jesus. Even on your worst day, Jesus loves you, and we believe that He has an incredible plan for your life. We are honored to be a small part of that plan, and we are humbled to step into the hard places of your story and hold your hand through it.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instagram post 2164689162134292607_9385679 I was deeply troubled this morning by a newspaper editorial that is circulating on social media. The title was okay at first glance, but upon reading the article my heart ached. It asserted that as Christian parents we should treat our children as “second class citizens” so that they know their place in the home and learn to respect their parents. It went on to discuss that parents are of greater value than their children because they are the ones providing food, shelter, and clothing.
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Wow. I am so glad Jesus didn’t view me that way. Friends, there are no second class citizens in the kingdom of God. Jesus saw the value of all mankind, and humbled Himself to the point of dying for us. Not only that, but Jesus very specifically talked about the value of children and welcomed them into His arms. Jesus didn’t earn my respect, honor, and adoration by coming and asserting himself on a throne of glory. No, though He was worthy of all of that, He came in humility and He served.
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Friend, we must do the same. We must parent from a place of humility. The New Testament is full of places where Jesus urged His followers not to elevate themselves. He said that to be first we just be last, and in His parables encouraged us to take the seat of humility at the banquet table. Why would we approach parenting any differently?
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We have the opportunity to wow our children with the love of Jesus each day through our own love of them. Then it is through their own love and adoration for a Jesus that we can begin to disciple and train them in Godly principles such as respect. It is past time for believers to stop using passages about respect as an excuse to demean their children. There are no second class citizens in God’s kingdom and there shouldn’t be in our homes either. May we spend today extra focused on wowing our children with the love of Jesus.

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